Dirty Old Men Getting Old… Jokes
Author: kwaddell | Filed under: Site Information Wednesday Jul 30,2008Subject: Dirty Old Men Getting Old….
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The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, ‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’ The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?’
She smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.’
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An elderly gentleman… Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of new hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month later to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet… I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’
Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’
‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’
‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’
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Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’
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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Sure.’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. ‘
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream * I got it, for goodness sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment… ‘Where’s my toast ?’
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’
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Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’
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A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’
‘Really,’ answered the neighbor. ‘What kind is it?’
‘Twelve thirty.’
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
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One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool…
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
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Wedding Stationery Downloads (New)
Author: kwaddell | Filed under: FREE Stationery Thursday Jun 12,2008Hi Digital Scrapbook and Stationery Friend,
Subject: FREE Digital Scrapbook Backgrounds and Stationeries newsletter
Quick Note: If you have ever thought about earning a little extra income on the side with your scrapbooking… be sure and read all the way to the end for a chance to get the inside scoop on how you can do that with almost no effort.
Back to the main subject.
This week Kathy just added 14 new no cost digital stationery downloads:
Wedding 948 thru 950 (3)
New Country stationeries
Country 354 thru 361 (8)
Floral 640 thru 642 (3)
For our Gold and Platinum members, she also added the middle of the month New digital scrapbook template Sets in both the 8.5×11 and 12×12 formats:
Little Boys 30 thru 35
Little Girls 23 thru 28
Just head on over to http://www.free-stationery.com/ and download yours right now.
As always, nothing to signup for and no strings attached. Just go and download all the FREE Stationeries you want. There’s even a recently added page so you know what the latest new stationery (or digital scrapbook backgrounds) are.
Be sure and let us know here what you think… your comments help the site and also let us know what you like most so we can give you more of it.
In case you missed them, the May end of month digital scrapbook template sets were:
3 New baby sets
3 New children sets
3 New father’s day sets
3 New shabby chic (or antique) sets
Check out the new sets in your Members Area at: www.MyPrincessCrafts.com after logging in.
It’s been quite a busy last couple of weeks here at PrincessCrafts.
We know that many of our readers and clients are also interested in earning a little extra cash on the side with their digital scrapbooks, cards and stationeries. We also know that many of you already have your own websites and home bizinesses.
So, just a couple of times a year, we like to remind our members that PrincessCrafts is here to help you start and grow not only your hobby, but your own Home Biz (if you are looking for one) as well.
Our update for the middle of the year is that we are in the process of opening a brand new digital scrapbook wholesale program. If you are looking for a little extra income, then check us out at:
Digital Scrapbook Wholesale Team
It just may be exactly what you are looking for.
Happy Journaling,
Kathy
www.FREE-Stationery.info
www.MyPrincessCrafts.com
www.EZScrapbookGuide.com
P.S. Wes also just published a great article on Preserving Your Holiday Memories. Give it a look see on the Computer Scrapbooking 101 BLOG at: http://blog.princesscrafts.com
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FREE Country Stationery Downloads
Author: kwaddell | Filed under: FREE Stationery Thursday May 29,2008Hi Free Stationery Friend,This week has lots of new free downloadable stationeries for you.
Kathy has added:
FREE Floral Stationery 640 thru 642
Plus, 5 new Free Country Stationeries:
Country 354 thru 358
You can check them out and download them at:
Click HERE for FREE Floral Stationery
Click HERE for FREE Country Stationeries
Kathy and Wes
PrincessCrafts
5505 Whipshaw Road
Peyton, CO 80831
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Wedding Stationery Downloads
Author: Wes | Filed under: FREE Stationery, Site Information Wednesday Apr 30,2008Good Morning,I’ve got a quick update for you this bright sunny morning, at least it’s bright and sunny here in Colorado Springs this morning…Kathy just uploaded 3 new FREE wedding stationery:
Wedding 945 thru 947
These ones are perfect for not only your wedding invitations and wedding guest books, but make fantastic digital scrapbook backgounds for your wedding albums too.
For our Platinum and Gold members at PrincessCrafts Scrapbooks, Kathy also just finished loading some new scrapbook border and computer scrapbook fantasy theme page tempate sets in both 8.5×11 and 12×12. Just log into your Members Area for…
Borders 19 thru 21
and Fantasy Themes 22 thru 24
For those of you looking for the hard to find masculine type scrapbook papers…
You’ll love Kathy’s new Category: Father’s Day
She moved all the original papers that were hard to find spread out in different areas to the new category and then added dad 16 thru 21.
Remember, all our computer digital scrapbook paper templates come in PDF for easy printing as well as in .PNG format for use in any of your favorite digital scrapbook or photo editing software programs.
If you are not already a member, then get your membership details at: www.MyPrincessCrafts.com
Happy Scrappin’
Kathy and Wes
PrincessCrafts
www.MyPrincessCrafts.com
www.EZScrapbookGuide.com
www.Free-Stationery.com
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Spring Stationery Downloads
Author: kwaddell | Filed under: FREE Stationery Saturday Apr 5,2008Hi Free Stationery Friend,
Just a quick update to let you know that Kathy has added 6 new free digital stationeries for download in the spring stationery category:
Spring stationeries 445 thru 450 Find them all at: www.free-stationery.com or our mirror site at: www.1-computer-stationery.com
Look for more new downloadable stationeries next week.
Kathy and Wes
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